Liverpool banter 4

 

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22 Aug 2017 10:35:16
Hi All, long time reader, first time poster;

Just wondering if the community can come together and help me with something personal;

My girlfriend said she is leaving me because I'm obsessed with Fantasy Football . In my defence, I've got Alonso, Kolasinac, Azpilicueta and Ake.

Have a good day - YNWA!

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22 Aug 2017 11:05:48
Sorry to hear that, how many seasons were you together.

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22 Aug 2017 11:52:05
You need to improve, in all departments.

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22 Aug 2017 11:55:31
I reckon she's been tapped up.

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22 Aug 2017 12:02:45
Make her a separate account, she will quickly realize the obsession 😂.

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22 Aug 2017 12:16:13
It came from nowhere, I was quickly eating my BAINES on toast in the evening listening to some 'Guns and MOSES' as I knew I knew we had to go to her parents’ house for a family party. I shouted AYEW ready yet FER FUCHS-AKE? Hurry up and BORUSSIA teeth! To which she marched DOWNING the stairs looking like something from CESC in the city and I thought to myself wow, BOOM XHAKAlaka she is looking like a WILLIAN dollars!

We got in the old VOKES Wagan and followed the JELAVIC road, knowing we had a LONG drive ahead, so I put it in KROOS control for the next hour. We eventually arrived at her parents’ house and her sister opens the door looking like HUTTON dressed as LAHM, she looked as if she PIQUEd something up from the SALAHvation Army that afternoon. It had been a while since I had seen her, she was recently let out on BALE and thought, wow, who ate all DEPAYs, she certainly needed to lay off the tea and BUSQUETS and XAVI dodgers and especially leave out the fast food, no more egg fired REUS or BENTEKE fried chicken – this girl really needed a DELPH and safety assessment but didn’t have a KALOU of the damage she had DUNN to herself!

Next, we had a chat with her two younger brothers who reminded me of PIQUE and DE BRUYNE cartoon, they are just those kind of people that always think they are ARDA than you, but really, they just can’t handle the HUTH. No WIEMANN no cry came on followed by purple REINA so I scooted over to ZIDANESfloor and got my VARDY on with my moves like AGGER shouting “boom shake shake DE ROON and show me the MANE”

It got MESSI and i was now a little DUNK and had too many RODALLEGA bombs and jack DANIELS, so rather than make EMILE of it, it was BEST to leave. I got outside and shouted “dude where's my KAHN” but it was best I didn’t drive!

The girlfriend was still looking absolutely FABREGAS and IBE got a feeling, that tonight my little tinchy SNEIJDER was going to see some action…. Time for some Netflix and CHILWELL. We didn’t beat around DEBUCHY, we arrived home and put on some LALLANA del ray, and just as my GYLFI pleasures were to be answered like something from 50 shades of O’SHEA, she touched MATIP and then…… I heard the Match of the day theme tune, I ran into the lounge and jumped on the CROUCH!

She shouted “I’m Leaving”

I responded “On Loan or Transfer? ” – Which didn’t help!

I can't see where I went wrong but hey, What’s love GOTZE do?

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22 Aug 2017 12:19:11
worst comes to worst, you've always got your wildcard mate.

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22 Aug 2017 12:22:14
You love footy more than a chick? Good lad. i'd stick Mane and in your squad though.

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22 Aug 2017 12:33:52
Thanks for the tips 87red and Red Reaper.

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22 Aug 2017 12:48:26
My partner is the same mate. She told me i need to be more decisive the same week that i made Harry Maguire my triple captain. I mean come on!

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22 Aug 2017 13:07:30
I feel your pain MK Scouser! However, maybe its time you stand up, look her in the face, show her how many points you achieved and say "You Petr Cech Yourself" - As, you are no Slumdog Mignolet you are the Big Lewandowski!

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22 Aug 2017 13:13:53
Darren that post deserves 199Million thumbs up and publishing xD

let’s hope she doesn't FUCHS off to old Trafford though. After MOTD was finished you should have ran after her. Show her you are HAMANN and MARTIAL her back home. Specially don’t let her near De Gea as she might become FRIENDs with him and talk CHAMACK about you!

Alternatively she could go towards Chelsea and there will be a lot MORATA trying to COURTIOS her and you might LUIZ her for good!
But it KANTE be all doom and gloom because most of them are very, very ORIGI.

When you get her back make sure you have a KANE handy and give her a FIRMino slap on the HAND and assert your dominance as MANE man.

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22 Aug 2017 13:18:20
Brilliant Pike. 😂.

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22 Aug 2017 13:29:30
Bravo Pikey!

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22 Aug 2017 13:36:39
haha Thanks WelshRed84, I think Red_Phil has just written the conclusion to my story, I'm all out! (fair play)

I must go and get some actual work done now!

GoodCABAYE All! ;)

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22 Aug 2017 10:33:02
Could things be on the virg of getting better with one week remaining?

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22 Aug 2017 13:12:43
Hopefully.

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22 Aug 2017 13:41:20
I'm sure there is still time for us to 'Dijk' it up.

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22 Aug 2017 09:59:04
Were has all these Kovacic rumours started from again? Its just old stuff from 2015?

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22 Aug 2017 10:25:18
It's a smokescreen for us signing Simao.

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22 Aug 2017 10:46:50
A Spanish newspaper, I can't remember how it's spelt but they believe that we are interested and that he is keen due to the amount of Real Madrid players ahead of him in the central midfield position.

However I wouldn't hold much hope because if I remember rightly Zidane was quoted as saying "no one else is leaving" after the Morata sale.

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22 Aug 2017 10:51:03
Or because we need a Central Midfielder anyways!

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22 Aug 2017 10:56:55
Dude, Simao?! Most people won't get that reference. We've been here for years, you and I.

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22 Aug 2017 11:14:25
A verbal agreement has been agreed according to reports. can't see it myself don't think madrid want to sell but would be a great signing if true. Watched him a fair bit and seems just what we need.

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22 Aug 2017 11:33:53
Simao, I thought we are after honda.

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22 Aug 2017 11:56:50
Simao love old school rumours lad's.

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22 Aug 2017 11:58:56
BS then in other words.

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22 Aug 2017 12:04:34
Damn isn’t Simao from the 06/ 07 season? 😂.

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22 Aug 2017 09:55:54
Obviously Sakho did some silly things and got himself barred from the 1st team.

Many will argue that he is currently our best CB.

This makes the situation worse as we could be seen to be cutting our nose off to spite our face.

Now we move on to Coutinho. Pretty much threw all the toys out of the pram, said he wouldn't play for LFC again, his relationship with Klopp had deteriorated over the past 6 months and has basically made Klopp and LFC look bad.

Now it looks like he isn't going to be moving and the noises have started to make it appear that all is being back-tracked blah blah blah.

The end result we know is that he will be integrated back into the team.

Surely he has done more harm than Sakho, yet Sakho isn't getting a sniff of a chance.

Did something more serious go on that we aren't being made aware of with Sakho or is Klopp just being stubborn?

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22 Aug 2017 10:04:03
Maybe it's because Coutinho can be trusted to eventually get back on with it and apply himself, whereas Sakho can't be trusted.

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22 Aug 2017 10:08:31
I really do not believe that Sakho was/ is our best defender.

He did well at Palace but playing in a completely different, very deep lying defence.

I've always thought he was alright but he is not going to be our saviour and turn our defence around.

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22 Aug 2017 10:13:25
It will be interesting to see how He gets on with Klopp form here on. The Normal Klopp doesn't compromise on such antics. But then you can't complain if a player wants out to a perticular club.

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22 Aug 2017 10:34:40
Yes Sakho is a good player. But you lot who think he's the saviour were also moaning about the defence when he was a regular! I can see why klopp has eyes fixed on Van Dijk he offers the pace to play highline that often exposes our cbks and also very strong in air and attacks the ball.

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22 Aug 2017 10:45:48
If we win the tie on Wed night then we will have got through the qualifying round with no help and only disruption from Coutinho. If the unthinkable happens and we get knocked out then his road to forgiveness amongst the fans could become longer.

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22 Aug 2017 13:19:23
OP, Sahko is a right bell who takes responsibility for nothing and apologizes for nothing, blaming everyone else for his issues that he himself has caused and this has been the case since his PSG days. Suarez did way worse than both of those combined and yet he still stayed and nearly wo n us the PL so there is already precedent here. Vou will be dealt with in house, no question BUT that is where it needs to end so to not cut of our nose to spite our face. We need him and even Klopp knows it.

If you think Sahko is our best CB then you have not been watching him closely. He is by no means our best CB. Our CB's may not be great BUT to say that Sahko is the best is way off mark. I do understand that it is easy to think a player is better than those playing cos well, he's not playing. You seem to forget that we have had Sahko for three seasons playing here and our defence was still crap, conceding 150 goals in that span but hey, what do I know?

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22 Aug 2017 16:20:40
As "many" have now pointed out, he was part of the garbage performances and is not going to change things. Palace were set up to suit and he was trying to get himself a move. There is plenty of evidence that he isn't as good as some keep trying to make out.

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22 Aug 2017 09:42:27
Well, apparently reports this morning that couti's agent (s) are now downplaying the links and saying he had to try a hardline stance to get the deal done, but having realised it's not happening, are making all the noises for him to get reintegrated into the squad and playing down his involvement in the transfer request etc.

Any truth in this eds? I didn't think it would happen anyway.

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22 Aug 2017 09:47:17
Good to see his back injury has cleared up.

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22 Aug 2017 09:48:56
He seems like the kind of guy who could get led around easily by such people, ed002 already suggested that he could have been pressured into signing the contract in January.

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22 Aug 2017 09:50:25
Well He need to do something to win over the fans. Blame others or apologize in public ( which I don't think will ever happen ) . I don't think this would change Klopp's mind!

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22 Aug 2017 10:02:34
Theyve obviously realised its not happening and that its world cup year.

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22 Aug 2017 10:13:33
That Joorabchian chap is one real snake. Outrageous statement after what has been said and done. This only degrades PC even more in my eyes.

Apologize and hang your head in shame, then work twice as hard to regain some level of trust.

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22 Aug 2017 10:27:25
I think he needs a few games in the u23's to sort him out. He shouldn't get a fast track back to the first team if he isn't going to Barca.

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22 Aug 2017 11:13:58
Just saying, he has not done or said anything publicly to justify any vilification from anyone. Not that I distrust 002's info, but footballers don't always possess the necessarys to think for themselves entirely. Especially when an agent or equivalent is pushing and pushing etc. If he comes back and knuckles down then I have no qualms with him.

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22 Aug 2017 12:24:34
explain how that helps anyone Dennis?

an adult conversation around conduct will suffice just fine.

leaving him out of the team when we have city as our first game after window closes will only hurt us as a team.

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22 Aug 2017 13:25:34
Spot on, 87red. What were we expecting from an agent like Kia Joorabchian, a real piece of work? We have known Cou for 4 years and we know how much of a nice guy he has been. As soon as I knew who his agent was, I knew it was his agent egging him on cos Cou just does not have it in him to do and say all that crap. He has his part of the blame for sure and should/ will be dealt with in house by Klopp and that should be that. and for those saying "he should not play here again" or "he should play some games in the reserves" or this or that crap should just calm down and breathe easy. That will benefit no one but our opponents. We need him and we all know it as the CP game suggests so he will be dealt with and will be ready for City in a couple of weeks.

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22 Aug 2017 09:06:06
Is it safe to say that tomorrow's game will have a big effect on who we do or don't sign in the last week of the window 😣.

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{Ed002's Note - No.}

22 Aug 2017 10:12:07
I can't see how it won't Ed? Even if it doesn't effect our finances it would surely effect the attitude of players wanting to come to us?

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{Ed001's Note - no it doesn't work like that. We would have to be in it a few years running before players will come on that basis. Or qualify direct.}

22 Aug 2017 09:45:24
I actually have to politely disagree with the Ed002 on this one. I think it'll have a huge effect on what business we do. I don't think our targets will change until it's a definite NO from their respective clubs. Although there's actually no way to know for sure as no one owns a time machine. So I'm leaving it the lap of the gods. What will be will be and I am becoming more pragmatic about the game than ever. Too much money and too much at stake.

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{Ed002's Note - So you think that if Liverpool qualify for the Champions League they will drop van Dijk and Keita as targets. Ok. Who do you think they will turn to?}

22 Aug 2017 07:30:07
Ed002, you confirmed the other night (several times) that LFC did approach Nice about Jean Michael Seri.

What was Nice's response? I know he's now likely to go to Barcelona but I'm just interested.

Cheers.

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{Ed002's Note - That he is available.}

22 Aug 2017 09:09:56
So we make an approach they say he is available so we take it to the next level and do nothing as per usual. Not to worry though the transfer window hasn't closed yet and we're bound to make loads of top class signings in the next 8 days.

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22 Aug 2017 09:30:55
Jayden, we did plenty with it, we 'accidentally' forwarded on the fax from Nice saying he was available to Barcelona hoping to convince them to go for him instead, it worked! Crisis averted ;)

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22 Aug 2017 09:38:40
Liverpool are told that Seri is unavailable, yet have not followed through with an offer.

People, I think this is a big clue that Macca is right about Liverpool going in again for Keita.

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22 Aug 2017 09:49:42
Woops, I meant to say available, not unavailable!

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22 Aug 2017 09:55:21
I think Seri may have been a replacement for Coutinho, i originally thought he was a Keita alternative but think eds confirmed its if coutinho was to leave.

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22 Aug 2017 09:59:32
This could be a ploy to nudge Liverpool to allow Coutinho to leave, but there's rumours Barcelona are looking to Naby Keita now. Could be mischief making by Barcelona trying to get you to sell Coutinho or is it genuine interest?

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22 Aug 2017 10:36:25
More to the point what is that avatar all about Sydney?

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22 Aug 2017 09:33:49
@Jayden

Ed002's Note - If Keita arrives and Coutinho stays Liverpool has no use for him.

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22 Aug 2017 09:48:22
Why approach Nice in the first place then.

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{Ed002's Note - To find out if the player is available. Barcelona has done the same.}

22 Aug 2017 16:46:18
Sorry eds the question was rhetorical and in reply to the he was a replacement for Coutinho comment. Why would we enquire about a replacement for a player we apparently have no intention of selling.

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{Ed002's Note - You don't think the club should make any provisions then? The entire transfer process seems to be something many of you can't grasp at all. You secret messages in everything, you think there is something special about Liverpool players etc..}

22 Aug 2017 17:29:23
Sorry eds What do you mean by you secret messages in everything?
I think you've taken my comment the wrong way eds I wasn't being critical or moaning that we had approached the club. My comment was just in reply to Tia 19's comment.

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22 Aug 2017 07:48:38
R we interested in anyone haha.

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22 Aug 2017 09:50:45
Will Hughes, the player everyone has been calling a 'great young talent' for the last 6 years!

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22 Aug 2017 06:30:30
Ed025, do you think everyone was too quick to jump on us after the first game?

We drew against a mid table team away from home with a few players missing, whilst Man City with virtually their strongest XI drew at home to a mid table team 😉 yet City are favourites for the title!

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{Ed025's Note - its so early that its hard to tell MK, but im sure city will look back and think that draw they scraped last night was a massive point gained, i think we all know liverpool wont be winning anything this season but i still expect them to be in with a squeak for 4th, i just hope you dont implode again as it would be nice to have 2 teams from the city fighting for honours mate..

22 Aug 2017 07:02:09
City for all their attacking power has issues at the back and they will concede goals! If you could defend as good as what Everton did yesterday then you have a chance to collect points against Manchester city!

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22 Aug 2017 07:11:40
Koeman is far too negative a manager for my liking. Despite having a man advantage (never a sending off), they chose to sit deep and defend the 1 goal lead. City bosses that game and the goal was no surprise.

The 2 Everton performances in Merseyside derby last year were the most dire negative Everton performances I've ever seen from a derby.

Intrigued in your opinion ed25.

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{Ed025's Note - i happen to agree 87, city were there for the taking last night and if lookman was introduced when they went down to 10 i believe we would have won that game, we have a better squad now and i dont see us making the same mistakes we did against the reds this season, we need to compete better against run of the mill teams like liverpool if we aspire to be up there mate..

22 Aug 2017 08:44:58
As Liverpool experience.

It's hard when these mid table teams play away from home and stick ten men behind the the ball.

Then get sucker punched by a lucky goal, scored by a player the Everton fans have scorned for years 😃😃😃😃.

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22 Aug 2017 09:53:34
Agreed.

The city of Liverpool dominated football.

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22 Aug 2017 07:31:21
Na Ed025, your lot will be more focused on assaulting us than actually beating us in a football match, as usual.

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{Ed025's Note - i must admit lowe we were a disgrace against you last season, but hopefully this season we will actually play football against you as i think we will have a better chance of beating you mate..

22 Aug 2017 07:34:05
Ed025 you can't help yourself can you? Run of the mill teams, cheeky bugger :)

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{Ed025's Note - im like a contestant on catchphrase burkey...i say what i see mate..

22 Aug 2017 07:56:00
Damn you Ed025! Can you actually be wound up? Haha.

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{Ed025's Note - i have had stick over being an evertonian all my life MK, its all water off a ducks back now mate.. :)

22 Aug 2017 08:20:01
Agreed 87red and Ed. Koeman is too negative of a manager and this is not new. At Saints, he would play up to 6 defensive players (back 4 and two DM's in front) and tho that may be a solution at times, it prevents you from trying to win games. If you play the "Prevent Defence" (NFL term for playing not to lose) then, you will hardly wis to your advantage. If that was LFC yesterday playing a man up, Klopp would have kept attacking them and we would have collected all 3 points PROVIDED our defence don't screw up which is 50/ 50 at best.

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{Ed025's Note - i would have gone for it as well bingo, its a pity they ripped up my application when i applied for the everton managers job really mate..

22 Aug 2017 08:25:30
Ha touché ed25 😉.

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{Ed025's Note - i cant let you get away with that one 87 mate..

22 Aug 2017 08:36:47
Ed25 bit early to be on the ale!

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{Ed025's Note - its never too early ace..

22 Aug 2017 09:02:35
Didn't Everton play with a back 5 and 2 holding midfielders? I thought Ed25 said they were on the up? That smacks of mid table defeatism to me and if it weren't for a shocking referee they would've been annihilated. Even with 7 at the back City could've scored 10. I must say though Calvert-Lewin had a good game but they will massively miss Lukaku this season.

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{Ed025's Note - we are a top striker short ings but that is being resolved as we speak mate, we are not scared to speculate in the market unlike some tight arse clubs i could mention..

22 Aug 2017 09:11:02
Ed25. I try not to rise to you but I can't help it. are you ed25 because it's been that long since you won anything? Seriously I expect Liverpool to pick up some silverware this season, be it league cup ( or whatever crazy name it's called) . 3rd and a trophy and I'm a happy bunny. im not deluded, I don't expect the title, I don't expect the champions league I just expect continued progress. I'm a wool now mate but have tons of bitter mates who expect big things from you lot. i just don't see it happening for you. with any luck anyways.

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{Ed025's Note - i dont think there is much between us ben, europe will be hinder both of us i think and unless you get a couple in sharpish you will struggle on all fronts mate...why dont you ask mr moshiri for a loan? hes a sucker for a charity case like liverpool.. :)

22 Aug 2017 09:18:36
U have too give it too everton, there owner has come in, supported koeman an made good football decisions on an off the pitch geared towards winning football matches and progressing as a club, maybe we could learn a thing or 2 from them on how too sign players wid out nearly getting a transfer ban an makin ourselves look very unprofessional.

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{Ed025's Note - well said hailstones, you are welcome at the home of the peoples club anytime mate..

22 Aug 2017 09:51:07
So Lfc is a "run of the mill" team now is it? Very interesting, Ed025. And that cupboard full of trophies is what exactly? Of course, you're provoking and baiting as usual. We're not biting. And someone is definitely cruising for a bruising. 😉😆😆😆.

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{Ed025's Note - its not my fault ra, i just threw out a line and suddenly my float sunk!, two merseyside teams doing well is good for football mate...so pull your fingers out and try and keep up please..

22 Aug 2017 09:56:45
Ed025. I watched the game last night and I have to say you looked decent and the squad depth you now have is better than ours imo. You will finish above is imo also.

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{Ed025's Note - big call that MR, i dont think there is a lot between us mate...well maybe stanley park.. :)

22 Aug 2017 10:29:45
You say that Koeman is a bit negative, but at least he isn't Gollum, eh Ed025? Best transfer to Man United that Everton have ever given them ;)

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{Ed025's Note - i could not wait to get rid of him MrD, all that "taking a knife to a gun fight" baloney proved what a defeatist little wimp he really was mate..

22 Aug 2017 19:41:02
Moyes actually succeeded in getting beaten by LFC three times in the same season as in twice in league play and in the FA Cup final after being 1-0 up. That was in the 11/ 12 season, a season where we were just dire across the board and we still did them three times. He is by far the greatest bottler in Everton's history. Now, that is a badge of honor any true Everton fan should be proud to wear.

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{Ed025's Note - most of us were glad to see the back of him bingo, im sure all the reds felt the same about roy hodgson mate..

21 Aug 2017 22:23:35
Just seen a report that 'suggests' that we have put in a bid for Kovacic. Surely this is lazy journalism, presuming that Macca is correct about Keita or does that suggest yet another twist in our summer plans?
(Presuming we had any)

MDS.

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21 Aug 2017 23:02:13
Like you, I doubt that rumour very much, MDS. Kova is at Real Madrid, the best team on the planet where he has won 7 trophies in the past two seasons (and counting) and who is improving with every game as one player ZZ counts on. What on earth would he be doing here?

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21 Aug 2017 23:17:26
No interest at all. Right ed?

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{Ed002's Note - You would need to find another Ed to put words in the mouth of.}

22 Aug 2017 00:00:45
i hope so. he is one of my favourite players! but didn't Real just "reported" reject a bid from Juventus.

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{Ed002's Note - There was indeed an offer which Juve thought would be successful that was rejected.}

22 Aug 2017 00:11:46
Bingo - he'd be playing more than he does at Madrid. Players have a tendency to want to play more than they are doing. Maybe it sounds familiar (Emre Can)?

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22 Aug 2017 01:06:53
Well if Kovacic's lack of playing time persists this season as well, then we can sign him next season as replacement for Coutinho who will create a fuss later on anyways. Just to p*** Barcelona off, we should offer Real Coutinho and demand cash and Kovacic (if they want Coutinho) . Barcelona will look like utter fools then.

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22 Aug 2017 05:42:44
@Ib

If Kovacic do come this window then that flat footed sideways passing midfield would look like world beater! If Keita isn't happening then Kovacic is an ideal replacement! And I ll go mad 😎😎😎😎😎.

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22 Aug 2017 08:21:08
We Can't, are you Harry by any chance? Please, say no.

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